For Godshake, it has been for hundreds time!!

Yeah, it's just like yesterday we're celebrating our one year six months anniversary, though we celebrated it different town, and now we're just having quarrel again.
Yeah, honestly I am so tired with those quarrels but we can't avoid it, again, yeah again.
I am the one who get mad with him, why? actually it's all because a simple thing.
I just want a simple thing, I want a good communication while we have a long distance relationship. Why? because I don't know what he's doing, or where is he going, and with whom.
Maybe it sounds a lil bit over protective but trust me, if you're in my position you will do it also.

There is so many changes after more than one year I have this relationship.
And it's getting worse after he got job and stay back to his hometown. He used to wake me up everyday to remind me of praying in the early morning, after one year he just do it sometimes, and now this the worst, he never do that anymore, never! even once! pity me, huh.. ;p
It's impossible he didn't take pray in the morning nowadays, even me, myself, now is the one who sometimes (yes, sometimes) remind him to take pray in the morning, and what I've got is a dissapointment, even he didn't reply my message, once again, pity me, hahahah..

Sometimes I think it's easy if I can be independent like I used to be in the past.
Do it everything by my self and didn't expect anyone to be with me and didn't taking care of anybody besides my family, I think it's gonna be better. Because what I've got is if you are taking care and love someone so much, you pay much attention and he didn't give you the same, it hurts you so much. That's what I felt.
Better if you don't use your heart, don't take it too deep, coz it will be hurt you so much if he pull it back..
I don't ask for anything, what I want is just good communication, is that so hard??
yeah maybe coz he's so busy and I'm not. simple answer huh..
It's not because I didn't understand if he's working hard for our plan, I do respect and understand his job and his responsibility of the job. But if it is even in the weekend, yes, weekend, it's off days! We also didn't have good communication on that days, what I'll expect anymore? what kind of relationship is that? sorry to say, it's all bullshit! And sorry, I don't need bullshit.

And you know what, we've been through this kind of quarrel so many times and always having reconciliation with his promises. His promises, never did it again, didn't do the same mistake, but it happens again and again until I felt sooooooo tired to face all this kind of stuff.
Being abandoned physically and emotionally as well.
I can't hold it on anymore, just like a time bomb, it can explode anytime, and I think it's the time, or not? I don't know...

Is it my request is too much for him?
Or should I always threat him with a decision to break our relationship first then he can call me?
Oh please it's so childish and I'm over it, I'm too old to do some kind of stuff, so this is the end? God, I don't know, I love him, but it is always hurt me so much, and I'm tired of hurting :(
I'm sure God knows the best for me, and I just need to follow the path, whatever will be, I'm sure that's the best for me..


'I miss the old you dear'